


cryin' for me

by parkrstark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anger, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 12:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: MAJOR ENDGAME SPOILERS!Tony taught Peter how he was supposed to live and now he taught him how to die.That wasn't a lesson Peter was ready to learn yet.





	cryin' for me

**Author's Note:**

> So ouch. That happened. I don't have much to say other than we deserved more Iron Dad. We deserved to see Peter watching that video too. We deserved Morgan and Peter interaction. The idea of them sitting on the dock together first came to mind when I watched it and had to write.

Peter hadn't cried once during the funeral. His eyes never once even burned with tears. In fact, after Pepper pulled him away from Tony’s body, he hadn't felt a thing. 

Rhodey was the one that had stayed with him as the chaos winded down. He held him back when they took Tony away. He tried to chase after him and find out where they were taking Tony...Peter had to be there when he woke up. But Rhodey wouldn't let go of him. He wouldn't let him go farther than where his arm could reach.

Which turned out to be a good idea when his legs refused to hold him up any longer. Rhodey had practically carried him to safety because Peter couldn't do it himself. Not that he wanted to with Tony gone. 

Then he had been taken by May. She ran over and hugged him so tight, Peter heard someone coughing. Rhodey said it was him and she backed off a bit, just to look him over for all his injuries. Her hands were gentle as she had brushed her thumb across the bruises on his face. 

He didn't feel it. 

She had stayed by his side in the hospital. He didn't need to be in there anyway; he had quick healing. 

He heard himself ask if Tony was okay. 

He didn't hear an answer. 

Somewhere along the way, he heard the story about how five years had passed since Titan. Half the world had been missing for five years. 

Rhodey had to come in and explain to him why they came back-- more like how. How Tony had come up with how to get the time travel to work and how he had to snap his fingers...and how he wasn't coming back. 

Peter screamed. 

Nursed tried coming in to see what was wrong, but Happy was at the door and he told them to stay back. Rhodey stayed by his side, trying to calm him down even as Peter screamed and sobbed and fought against his hold. 

Eventually he let his body sag in exhaustion and Rhodey held him close desperately as he whispered, “I'm sorry, Pete. I'm so sorry.” His voice was broken...Rhodey was crying too. He never cried. That could only mean that it was true. Tony was gone. 

Peter looked up at Happy to see his reaction. Happy could only hold eye contact for a second before he looked away, a tear falling down his cheek. 

Peter’s head whipped to May, who was still sitting beside him. She was openly crying as she reached over to take Peter’s hand in hers. “I'm so sorry, baby.” 

Peter might have not been able to feel the endless wounds littered around his body, but he felt his heart shatter in that moment. And he would never feel anything more painful. 

Peter let his body go limp in Rhodey’s arms, squeezing his eyes shut. He wished he never felt another thing again. 

 

Except he did. He felt one thing. Anger. 

 

In the hospital one night, May gave him a hug and told him it was going to be okay. Peter snapped at her immediately. “Don't lie to me. I'm not a dumb kid.”

Rhodey and Happy were shocked at his tone, but May only grew sadder. “Okay. I'm sorry, baby.” 

When they thought he was asleep later that night, he heard May tell them, “He's been through this before. His parents. Ben. He gets angry. You just have to...not take it personally.”

 

But Peter wanted them to. He wanted them to get angry back. He wanted them to get hurt. He wanted them to leave and never come back. 

Because eventually, they would die too. 

And he couldn't survive this again.

 

After they got him out of the hospital and he was getting dressed for Tony’s funeral, Peter couldn't get his tie on right. His fingers wouldn't work to make the knot. 

Rhodey came over to try and offer to tie it for him, but Peter shoved his hands away. “I've got it!” 

When he still couldn't tie it, he threw it across the room. He wished it was heavier so it hit the wall with a bang. All it did was flutter to the ground.

 

Peter didn't say a word as they all said their goodbyes. Pepper tried to convince him to say a few words, but Peter refused. “Couldn't say a word to me. I have nothing for him.” 

“Peter, I know you're upset--.” 

“How can you know how I feel? You got a goodbye, didn't you?” Peter snapped, taking a step back when she tried to put a hand on his shoulder.

He didn't want to hear from Pepper. She got to hear him speak. She got a smile. Tony hadn't spoken to Peter since Titan...he was dying and all Tony had to say was, “You're alright.” But he wasn't alright. He would never be alright again. 

And then when he finally found him again, Peter was talking a mile a minute and Tony didn't say a word. He hugged him. Finally. And then, it was enough. He thought he'd get a talk afterwards. 

But then after Tony had snapped his fingers, Peter rushed over to him and he hadn't said one thing. He hadn't even smiled. He just stared. He stared lifelessly. It would haunt Peter forever.

Maybe he was too late to even get a goodbye. But then Pepper was in front of him and he said hi to her. He smiled. She got to hear him say her name one last time. She was able to spend the last five years with him. 

Peter got none of that. 

He didn't get anything. 

 

So, when they all went inside to watch the hologram message Tony left behind, Peter didn't follow. 

Why bother when he wasn't going to get anything from it. 

Peter was gone for 5 years and Tony thought he was dead. There wouldn't be a message for him. 

So he stayed outside on the dock where he could see the flowers and arc reactor still floating. 

Everyone left him behind, although begrudgingly. May knew to leave him alone. Rhodey told him Tony would want the message to go to him too. Peter didn't believe him. So he stayed.

When it started to rain, Peter stayed still. All he did was sit there and stare out at the water, watching the raindrops splash down. 

Not after too long, Peter heard footsteps behind him. It took a few moments for the person to say anything, but when he did, his voice was low. “Kiddo, it's pouring out here.” 

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Happy.” Peter pulled his legs closed to his chest, resting his chin on his knees.

Happy was quiet. “You're gonna get sick out here.” 

“Cool,” Peter said, sounding as disinterested as possible. 

Happy was the only one that didn't shrink back at Peter’s moody attitude. “Yeah, well, as cool as it is to get pneumonia, Tony wouldn't want you out here in the rain for him. Remember when you got sick last summer and--?”

Peter turned his head over his shoulder to glare at Happy. “I remember, okay? And don't say what  _ he  _ wants. We have no idea what he wants.” 

Happy groaned. “We both know he'd want you to get inside and not get sick.” 

“He doesn't get a say,” Peter said before whipping his head back to stare at the water. “If he cared so much about me staying safe, he should have thought about that before snapping his damn fingers.” 

“Peter, you know he had to do that. He did that  _ to  _ save you. Hell, you’re the reason he decided to get everyone back. He was ready to let the vanished stay vanished...until he thought of you.” 

Peter knew that. He heard the stories about how Tony gave his life to save the world when he had all he needed. He had everything he needed except for Peter. 

“Great.”

“You're not the only one that lost him, you know,” Happy grunted. 

“You got your five extra years with him didn't you?” Peter snapped. “You got the last five years and all the other years you got to be his friend. What do I have? Barely three years.” Barely three years that felt like a lifetime. 

“I know. I'm just saying that we know what you're going through and we can help.” 

“Except you don't know what I'm going through,” he snapped, hoping Happy got annoyed and left. But he didn't. He didn't even sound the slightest bit upset and he usually always sounded annoyed when talking to Peter before the snap.

“Peter, just...just come inside, buddy--.” 

“Don't call me that,” Peter snapped. 

“Okay. Okay. I'm sorry.” Happy paused and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. “Please just come inside. Please.” 

“No. Leave me alone.” 

“Pete--.” 

“Leave me alone!” 

“Fine. Whatever. Don't come crying to me when you're soaked to the bone and freezing cold,” Happy huffed before storming away. 

 

Peter dropped his chin back against his knees and stared out at the water. Rain continued to pelt down on him, but he didn't care. 

He didn't care about anything. 

 

The sun started to set and he stayed out there. Maybe he'd fall asleep out here and they'd send Captain Rogers to carry him back inside. That was the only way he was moving from this spot.

 

And of course, someone else had to come try to bring him in. The footsteps were too light to be Rhodey or Happy. They seemed to light to be Pepper or May either, but maybe they were treading lightly. Everyone seemed to be doing that around him lately. 

But these footsteps never paused or faltered. They continued until they were right next to him and then the person sat down by his side. Their head only came to his mid arm and when Peter glanced from the corner of his eye, he saw it was because it was a little one. 

The little girl. Morgan. Tony and Pepper’s daughter. 

Peter hated the jealousy that coursed through him at the sight of her. She didn't do anything wrong; she was only a toddler. But she was Tony’s daughter. His kid. 

When Peter had disappeared, he had moved on. He had another kid. A kid of his own that was really his. 

Of course Peter wanted that for him. He was happy to know that Tony had made a life for himself after Peter. Peter wouldn't want his death dragging Tony down. 

He deserved nothing but happiness...and look where he was now. 

 

“Hi.”

Peter squeezed his hand in a tight fist but remained silent. 

“It's raining out here.” Then she scooted closer to him and raised an umbrella over both of their heads. “Is that better?” 

“I'm fine,” Peter replied, not turning to look at her. 

“It's cold out here.” 

“Yup.” 

“And wet.”

“Sure is.” 

“Do you...wanna come inside?” 

“No.” Peter gritted his teeth. “I don't want anything so you can go.” 

“I don't want to go. Mommy and Aunt May said they were afraid to leave you alone when you were this upset.” 

Peter chuckled at that and couldn't even bring himself to deny it. To say he didn't think about how good it would feel to just let it all go would be a lie. “Oh they did?”

“Yeah. Said you'd do something stupid. But you're not stupid, so I don't know why they're worried.”

She didn't even know him; how did she know if he was stupid or not? “They're not wrong,” he admitted as he leaned forward, staring down at the water. “You know Iron Man saved me from drowning once. Was stuck underwater and couldn't breathe. He came and saved me from dying.” 

“Peter…” 

Peter leaned a little more forward. “Now he's not here. If I fall, he won't be there to catch me.” He kept his palm flat on the dock so he was stuck and wouldn't fall, but he still let himself drop forward a little to get that feeling. 

Morgan's hand shot out to grab the sleeve of his jacket. “No. But I am.” 

Peter turned to look at her and saw the worry clear on her face. He felt bad for acting like that in front of a child who had just lost their child. He straightened himself back up and said, “I'm sorry **.”**

Morgan was quiet for a moment and when she spoke again, she placed a hand on his thigh. “Sorry I can’t give you what you really want.”

“I don't want anything,” he repeated. 

“I want Daddy back too.” 

Peter squeezed his eyes shut. Hearing a tiny kid, a kid Peter didn’t know, call Tony ‘Daddy’ hurt in a weird way. 

He knew there'd come a day when Tony and Pepper had a kid. Especially with Tony’s baby fever. But he had always imagined to be there from day one. He was supposed to help raise the baby alongside Tony and Pepper. They were supposed to be a family. 

Now the only thing Peter knew about her was her name. 

“Yeah, well, Daddy is gone,” Peter said, wiping at his eyes even though there were no tears. “Just left us all here to pick up the pieces. How nice of him.”

Morgan’s little hand patted his arm. “I was angry too. I think I still am ‘cus I don't know why he would leave me, but Mommy said he was a hero. God needed Daddy up there to protect the angels.” 

Peter scoffed. God. Yeah right. If there were a God then why the hell did this shit happen in the first place. “Sure.” 

“He didn't want to leave us. I know he didn’t. But he'd be happy you were back.” 

Peter glanced down at her. “What?” 

“He talked about you all the time. He always told me stories about you...you were a hero too right?” She asked, tilting her head. 

“Uh, yeah. I was.”

“He told me all about you. Said you would have been a great big brother.” Her voice was innocent and Peter knew she had no idea how much the words she just said to him meant. 

“Me...a big brother?” 

Morgan nodded her head. “Yeah. He said you were his kid too.” 

For the first time since he begged Tony not to die, he felt his eyes burning. He wiped at them again, blinking them too. “He did?” 

“Yeah!” Morgan replied with a smile. “He showed me all the pictures he has of you. He has a room of all your stuff. No one is allowed in there.”

“He...told you about me?” 

Morgan’s face scrunched up. “‘Course he did. Said he wanted me to know you.” 

Peter finally turned back to look down at the little girl. Her brown eyes looked so much like Tony’s it hurt. But still, he gave her a small smile. “I'm sorry it took so long to meet me.” 

She returned his smile and stuck her hand out. “My name is Morgan. It's nice to meet you.” 

Even though they already knew each other’s names, Peter took her hand and shook it. “My name is Peter.” 

“You're gonna be a great big brother. I can tell already,” she said before moving closer until she was pressed against his side. He wrapped a hesitant arm around her and then looked up to the sky that wasn't blocked by their umbrella. 

“I'll take care of her,” he whispered. “I promise I'll keep her safe.” 

  
  


They stayed out there for a while, just sitting there and watching. They didn't go back inside until the rain was gone and the sun was gone. 

Morgan took his hand again, this time to lead him into the house. 

When they got inside, everyone turned to stare at them. Peter remembered how he'd been treating them and looked away. He stared down at the top of Morgan’s head when he cleared his throat. “I was wondering if I could watch that hologram now…”

The room was silent. 

Then Rhodey said, “Sure thing, kid. He made one special just for you.” 

Peter’s head whipped up. “Really?” 

Rhodey’s smile wasn't sad, but it was small. “Yeah. Wanna watch it?” 

“Please.” 

“Come on over and we'll start it up.” 

Peter let Morgan bring him to the couch and everyone watched as she crawled up next to him and made herself comfortable in his lap. It felt strange since they had only just met, but he didn't push her away. 

She looked up at him with Tony’s brown eyes and Tony’s smile and Peter pulled her in closer. 

 

When Rhodey pressed play, Peter watched as Tony’s hologram came to life. “Hey, kiddo.” He felt the tears roll down his cheeks. “First let me start this off by saying something I should have said years ago: I love you, kid.” 

Peter covered his mouth to muffle a sob as Tony chuckled. “Or should as Morgan would say, I love you 3000. Morgan is the little princess with big Brown eyes and pigtails. That's your little sister. You'll love her.” 

Morgan nestled herself closer in Peter’s arms. 

“Sorry, I couldn't be there. I'm sorry that the second you're back, I'm gone. Just know...I never stopped thinking of you. Spent years trying to get you back. It's all I wanted for a long time.” He looked down at his feet before looking back up at the camera. “Now I've got another little kiddo. She's a monster just like you. So do me a favor, bud? Watch over her please?” 

It was getting too serious and Tony tried to play it off with a laugh. “I told her about you every night, Underoos. So I expect you to continue with tales of how brave and awesome Iron Man was.” His voice turned serious and his voice cracked slightly, “Don't let her forget about me.”

Peter would never let anyone forget about Tony. He'd spend the rest of his life letting everyone know who Tony Stark was and what he did for everyone. 

“I won't. I promise,” he whispered. 

Tony looked back into the camera and smiled. “I'm proud of you, Peter. Always have been and always will be. No matter what.” He sniffed once, getting his emotions back under control. “What am I doing be all serious and sad? Just like I told the others, I'm coming back. This isn't it. Hopefully, I'll erase this recording after I drag your butt back from wherever the hell you are.”

Peter wiped as his eyes, teats flowing freely. 

“Your old man can't kick the bucket yet. Not until I give you that hug I owe you.” His face softened and he said, “We're there, kid. We've been there for years.” 

 

> _ I'm gonna miss that smile _ _   
>  _ _ I'm gonna miss you my friend _ _   
>  _ _ Even though it hurts the way it ended up _ _   
>  _ _ I'd do it all again _ _   
>  _ _ So play it sweet in heaven _ _   
>  _ _ 'Cause That's right where you want to be _ _   
>  _ _ I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for you _ _   
>  _ __ I'm cryin' for me
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going anywhere. Living in the fanon world where tony is alive and happy.


End file.
